Excuse me if I sound crazy...but is no one else stunned by the recent allegations against Andy Reid? 6 months ago I thought he was your typical fat guy with a mustasche. He probably ate sausage, drank beer, beat his wife and kids, and helped his arthritic brother Harry out when he moved last month. God bless his heart.
Or wait...maybe not. Apparently, Andy Reid is not your typical fat guy with a mustasche. Sadly, Andy is much more than that. He has two kids who never got the beating I always fantasized he would deal them, he has drugs stashed everywhere in his house, and worst of all, hes a MORMON. What the hell is a Mormon anyways. Apparently, if I was to ask Andy, he would say someone who likes his drugs hard, his women harder, and his team crappy. Maybe I will vote for Romney....
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Pass the Rock Martina
Martina Hingis DID NOT do cocaine. Get out of my face. I already told you shes innocent. God knows those tests are always wrong. Its not like this girls in her 20s, wealthy, famous, and surrounded by drug abusers every day....oh wait...it is like that? Well go to hell, she didnt do cocaine. If she was a coke addict she would do something erratic like retire out of the blue and stop talking to the media...oh wait...she did...
Damn, Martina Hingis MIGHT have done coke.
Damn, Martina Hingis MIGHT have done coke.
Colored Locker Rooms Spurs Success for Patriots
The recent wave of unbelievable play by the New England Patriots is about more than just talent and good coaching, says a team insider (Bill Belichecks ex-wife). According to "Team Insider", the Patriots are winning games because of a recent idea Belicheck has implemented involving the team locker rooms. Apparently, after witnessing one to many white players being robbed by the wide recievers and cornerbacks (ie black players) on the team after games, Belicheck segregated the squad into coloreds and whites. With two adjacent locker rooms, the only thing Tom Brady and Mike Vrabel have to worry about these days is the occasional freestyle rap overheard from across the locker room.
The new, innovative measure has gone past the locker room in recent weeks. Take a close look at the New England bench at any time, and what do you know, the white guys sit together on one side, the black guys on another...the farther side from the ball at that!
This contereversial idea is turning heads around the league, but in general, the results have been succesful. Dont believe me? Just ask little Wes Welker, the victim of 14 robberies last year as a member of the Miami Dolphins. This year, the only colored robbing Wes roam the streets at night, and for Wes, thats quite alright!
The new, innovative measure has gone past the locker room in recent weeks. Take a close look at the New England bench at any time, and what do you know, the white guys sit together on one side, the black guys on another...the farther side from the ball at that!
This contereversial idea is turning heads around the league, but in general, the results have been succesful. Dont believe me? Just ask little Wes Welker, the victim of 14 robberies last year as a member of the Miami Dolphins. This year, the only colored robbing Wes roam the streets at night, and for Wes, thats quite alright!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
NFL Speculation-AFC East
AFC EAST
1. New England-Oh, its easy to say chemistry isnt there, but you know what is there? TALENT. Talent trumps chemistry when you have the best coach in the league and as solid a QB as you can get. 11-5
2. Buffalo Bills- Laugh now, but the Bills have a solid, solid team here. QB is Losman who has a promising season last yr. Backup Trent Edwards is wowing everyone. The running game is addressed with Lynch and A-Train, WR is average, OL is brand new and gleaming, DL is mediocre (too many white guys), LBs are no longer overrated, and the secondary...well thats below average but loaded with youngsters. 9-7
3. NYJets- Whats so good about this team? Pennington is above average but ntohing amazing. Thomas Jones is starting to show wear and tear. The WRs suck outside Coles, the OL is aging, the DL is solid, the LBs are built totally around Vilma, and thats it. This teams lucky to beat ou Miami. Plus Mangini is fat. 7-9
4. Miami- What is this team some kind of cheap grocery store? Damaged goods run abound with Trent Green, Daunte, Ricky, and so forth. Nothing special about this club and the bad taste of Saban is still around and lingering.
5-11
2. San Diego-Nothings different about this team, really, except the fact they rid themselves of the big game loser himself, Schottenheimer. We expect them to at least represent the city named for a Whales Vagina.
3. Denver- Cutler has a strong arm. Who cares if hes poised, Shanahan wont let him in a situation where he can be anything but.
1. New England-Oh, its easy to say chemistry isnt there, but you know what is there? TALENT. Talent trumps chemistry when you have the best coach in the league and as solid a QB as you can get. 11-5
2. Buffalo Bills- Laugh now, but the Bills have a solid, solid team here. QB is Losman who has a promising season last yr. Backup Trent Edwards is wowing everyone. The running game is addressed with Lynch and A-Train, WR is average, OL is brand new and gleaming, DL is mediocre (too many white guys), LBs are no longer overrated, and the secondary...well thats below average but loaded with youngsters. 9-7
3. NYJets- Whats so good about this team? Pennington is above average but ntohing amazing. Thomas Jones is starting to show wear and tear. The WRs suck outside Coles, the OL is aging, the DL is solid, the LBs are built totally around Vilma, and thats it. This teams lucky to beat ou Miami. Plus Mangini is fat. 7-9
4. Miami- What is this team some kind of cheap grocery store? Damaged goods run abound with Trent Green, Daunte, Ricky, and so forth. Nothing special about this club and the bad taste of Saban is still around and lingering.
5-11
2. San Diego-Nothings different about this team, really, except the fact they rid themselves of the big game loser himself, Schottenheimer. We expect them to at least represent the city named for a Whales Vagina.
3. Denver- Cutler has a strong arm. Who cares if hes poised, Shanahan wont let him in a situation where he can be anything but.
Light up the Stove
Its about time a blog started publishing lists created by guys who have absolutely no professional experience in the sports industry. For many years now we have wondered what brave soul would lead the way. Today, we grow weary of waiting and have decided to take it upon ourselves and begin a site based totally on BS, Speculatiuon, Rumors, Lies, and Lists. Whats our angle? What sets us apart? Well we dont listen to tipsters or GMs, we listen to logic. If you want a LOGICAL and REALISTIC look at how things will pan out, come to us. If you want PRACTICAL and WELL DEVELOPED lists that mean something today, come to us. If you want headlines that MOCK and SATIRIZE athletes and all their testosterone (WNBA included), come to us. If you want cocaine or cracked cocaine, come to...call us actually...
LeBron James The Answer to Erectile Dysfunction for 60 year old Men
In a striking blow to the erectile medication industry, the stocks for Viagra crumbled today after ticket sales opened for Game 1 of the NBA Finals. Sure to be a thrilling matchup, a rising majority of older men have discovered the pure and blessed experience of watching The King put on highlight reel dunks works wonders on erectile dysfunction.
"Before Game 4 at the Palace, Linda's fatass did nothing for me, nothing at all. After watching LBJ post up on Rasheed, though, I grew what seems to be a perma-boner which has now lasted upwards of 5 days!" exclaimed Cavs fan Steve Gladden.
Gladdens story is just one of many emerging similar cases to be discovered recently. As the NBA Finals kick off Thursday night, heres hoping everyone keeps the popcorn bucket firmly held over their laps...
"Before Game 4 at the Palace, Linda's fatass did nothing for me, nothing at all. After watching LBJ post up on Rasheed, though, I grew what seems to be a perma-boner which has now lasted upwards of 5 days!" exclaimed Cavs fan Steve Gladden.
Gladdens story is just one of many emerging similar cases to be discovered recently. As the NBA Finals kick off Thursday night, heres hoping everyone keeps the popcorn bucket firmly held over their laps...
Billy Donovan Takes Back Happy Meal
As if Billy Donovan didnt have enough trouble to deal with, that flip flopping bastard is up to it again. Earlier today, Donovan entered an Orlando McDonalds to grab a double cheeseburger and McNuggets. Although he simply asked for "a double cheeseburger and McNuggets", Donovan was legitmately pissed when he discovered onions within his burger. "Goddamnit!" roared Donovan, who rushed up to the counter and exclaimed he no longer wanted the burger.
Local employee, DeMario Wayne was less than thrilled with the frustrated Donovan. "I said, you gimme that burger, ima take the onions off, but I sure as HEEELLL aint going to be washing my hands." Donovan, confused now and on the brink of nervous breakdown, collapsed into a ball on the floor asking for someone to please get him home to Gainseville.
"Its probably for the best, I McPissed on his McNuggets." remarked Wayne.
Local employee, DeMario Wayne was less than thrilled with the frustrated Donovan. "I said, you gimme that burger, ima take the onions off, but I sure as HEEELLL aint going to be washing my hands." Donovan, confused now and on the brink of nervous breakdown, collapsed into a ball on the floor asking for someone to please get him home to Gainseville.
"Its probably for the best, I McPissed on his McNuggets." remarked Wayne.
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